Friday, June 24, 2022

Great Products Today! by FR, MC, bs

Narrator: “Get it now! Prints of the very last painting by Van Gogh for the cheap price of $5,000! Polar Bear in a Blizzard!” This is the famous art critic for the New York Times.

Art Critic: “The subtle difference between the polar bear and its environment in this painting builds an exquisite blend. You can see flowing brush marks by master Van Gogh. The geometric and swirling shapes in the painting are unmatched and have never been done before. This has to be his greatest work!”

(They leave and go on to the next product)

Narrator: “Our next line of products, the famous clear marker used by George Washington. It is our cheapest product at $3,000. A product worth bargaining for. Here is one of the customers who used the clear marker.”

Customer: “The logo for this store makes sense!! I love the products. They are sure worth the money!! This is a marvelous marker, and this is marvelous art, I mean, only foolish people cannot see this beautiful art! I am shopping here every day. Definitely recommend this.”

Narrator: “Our last product we would like to show you from the wondrous GREAT PRODUCTS TODAY is, The Book With No Story. You really wi—“

Customer: “OH MY GOSH! THAT’S MY FAVORITE BOOK!!! THE BOOKS HERE ARE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!! Just a reminder: BUY HERE OR YOU WILL BE SAD YOU MISSED OUT. And I believe I read in The Book With No Story that, YOU WILL BE DOOMED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!! (Just kidding, relax.) Buy it here today!! You better!” Art Critic: “The blending on Polar Bear’s fur is just ethereal and don’t get me started on the snow. (Softer, the longer the Narrator and Customer are away from the set) The amount of time he must have spent on each snowflake is just…(Art Reviewer continues to talk as the Narrator and Customer walk away and the commercial ends.)

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