Great Products Today! by FR, MC, bs

Narrator: “Get it now! Prints of the very last painting by Van Gogh for the cheap price of $5,000! Polar Bear in a Blizzard!” This is the famous art critic for the New York Times.

Art Critic: “The subtle difference between the polar bear and its environment in this painting builds an exquisite blend. You can see flowing brush marks by master Van Gogh. The geometric and swirling shapes in the painting are unmatched and have never been done before. This has to be his greatest work!”

(They leave and go on to the next product)

Narrator: “Our next line of products, the famous clear marker used by George Washington. It is our cheapest product at $3,000. A product worth bargaining for. Here is one of the customers who used the clear marker.”

Customer: “The logo for this store makes sense!! I love the products. They are sure worth the money!! This is a marvelous marker, and this is marvelous art, I mean, only foolish people cannot see this beautiful art! I am shopping here every day. Definitely recommend this.”

Narrator: “Our last product we would like to show you from the wondrous GREAT PRODUCTS TODAY is, The Book With No Story. You really wi—“

Customer: “OH MY GOSH! THAT’S MY FAVORITE BOOK!!! THE BOOKS HERE ARE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!! Just a reminder: BUY HERE OR YOU WILL BE SAD YOU MISSED OUT. And I believe I read in The Book With No Story that, YOU WILL BE DOOMED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!! (Just kidding, relax.) Buy it here today!! You better!” Art Critic: “The blending on Polar Bear’s fur is just ethereal and don’t get me started on the snow. (Softer, the longer the Narrator and Customer are away from the set) The amount of time he must have spent on each snowflake is just…(Art Reviewer continues to talk as the Narrator and Customer walk away and the commercial ends.)

Jaws of Statues Speak by bs

Jaws of statues speak words of deterrence to those who veer.
Those cold hard lips tell a story,
and gory legs chronicle long forgotten glory.
Broken arms and cracked lips don’t diminish your beauty.
Sculpted to be immortal.
Never forgotten, enshrined in white marble.
Smooth and polished you are, but what rough edges are you hiding?
Faults and wrongs made generous by life’s storytellers.
But, jaws of statues speak words of deterrence to those who veer.

Whole town worships angel that is George Foreman Grill that has healing properties!!! by bs

In the town of Frederickssburg, Pennsylvania on the morning of June 2017, 2022, the McKay family that owns George Foreman grill saw a burst of light, then a halo around their George Foreman grill.

On the night of june 17th, a man with terminal cancer touched the grill and was cured according to credible sources. The following day, the residents of Frederickssburg met in the town square and started praying to the angel. The angel proceeded to talk to the residents and say, “you must follow our grill god and you will be blessed.”

We asked one of the resident farmers, Shay Macdonald, his thoughts on the situation, “My 4 year old son grew back his baby teeth and my frequent back pain was cured. I’m so happy with the grill god.” Some government scientists studied the grill with its permission at 6:38 pm yesterday to figure out why this happened. Their results showed that somebody at the McKay family home left the grill on for too long and it became an angel. They also said, “you could try this at home with the right materials to have your own George Foreman grill angel.”

After this, a reporter saw several people enter fast food companies and several new angels were reported.